Finding my own Joy
Part of the point of “Bonus Time” is to draw my own future; to make choices that are in line with my true values, so that I can live authentically. I’m not in anyone else’s box anymore; or limited by anyone else’s notion of what *should* make me happy. I make my own rules.
This reminds me of a woman I know who was telling me she really wanted to buy cake for her husband’s birthday, but he didn’t want to celebrate. My answer to that was: “You know… you don’t actually need a reason to buy cake. If you want to eat cake, you’re allowed.” “Oh, I know,” she said, somewhat apologetically, “but I feel like I need an excuse.” This is how she’d been raised: you only eat cake on special occasions. “You’re the grown-up now,” I replied. “You get to make up the rules.”
So some boxes we draw around ourselves, even when no one is telling us what to do. Bonus Time is about getting out of those boxes too. What do I really want? What brings me joy? How do I make sure I get it?
I was thinking about that on my forest hike earlier today. Walking in the forest is at the top of my list of things that bring me joy. It’s been a gift of the pandemic for me to realize that. While I was working from home, I started going for regular walks, then daily walks. At some point, I graduated to longer hikes in the woods, and I was aware that it brought me great joy to spend my time that way. As soon as I step into nature, I feel like I’m coming home, to the coziest, most relaxing living room you could imagine. It’s so important to me, that now I make sure to schedule time in my life for regular forest walks. If I was to leave it up to chance, or just “whenever I have time”, you know it wouldn’t happen nearly as often, and my tank would probably run dry by the time I realized what I needed: a boost of quiet time in the woods.
A teacher at the school where I work put up a bulletin board with the word JOY on it, in white paper, and asked people to write what brings them joy. The idea is that others can then get inspiration and try some of your ideas to boost their own happiness. My first thought when I saw it was “coffee”, which, in hindsight, is kind of silly. I mean, I seriously say “this is so good” every morning that I prepare a real espresso with frothy oat milk, but that’s not the joy I’m talking about.
Tara Brach has a great talk about distinguishing between limbic desires and true intentions. In yoga nidra, my teacher Clearlight spoke to us about finding our Sankalpa, our “most heartfelt desire”. Joy, for me, is about actions that bring me closer to those #lifegoals. So:
Spending time with friends, connecting with rushing
Being outside on a sunny day (or really, any day)
Watching my kids, without interrupting, when they’re “in the zone”, pursuing a creative activity, or exploring the world
This morning I had a very joyful experience when I noticed a couple of pileated woodpeckers on Mount Royal, and then followed one of them to a fallen tree trunk, where it allowed me to get closer than I’ve ever been to one of those birds. It was so beautiful to just watch it pecking away, letting me stand there, with no thought in my mind besides “how beautiful is this”.
So now I’m wondering: what brings you joy, and how do you make sure you get it?